Break the Low Self-Esteem Habit

Low self-esteem is not a defect, it is a habit – and it is a habit that you can break!

“I thought that feeling inadequate not having self-confidence was just my personality and I was stuck with it,” she said, “and now I know better.”

One of my coaching clients was talking about low self-esteem and self-confidence and like so many others she had believed there was something basically wrong with her and she was stuck with it. Not true!

Low self-esteem is a habit – a habit of feeling and thinking that causes you to treat yourself as inferior.

How You Treat Yourself Is A Choice
Hear this: How you treat yourself is a choice. You could choose to treat yourself with respect and give yourself understanding and love. Or you could choose to criticize yourself, reject yourself and treat yourself with contempt.

“It’s not that easy,” you say? I understand. The problem is that when you are caught in a low self-esteem habit you do not think about how you are choosing to treat yourself, you react automatically with a “survival strategy” – a behavior you developed to cope with your world.

Your Outdated Survival Strategy
For example: Perhaps, as child, there was a time when you told yourself a convenient lie. You thought someone was rejecting you and that seemed painful to you. In an attempt to dull the pain you blamed yourself and told yourself you were bad. Each time you encountered a similar experience you reused the same strategy until it became habit. At one time it may have been a useful strategy but it no longer serves you.

Learning A New Habit
Now, if you are ready to, you can unlearn that habit of self-depreciation and form a new relationship with yourself – a relationship in which you choose to regard yourself as worthy of love, respect and happiness How? Through a combination of awareness, self-management and purposeful action. Become aware of the thoughts and feelings that motivate your actions. Develop the skill of managing your emotions and make new choices.

Change Your Relationship With You
Your self-esteem is not dependent on what others think of you, or what you own or what you have achieved so far. Your self-esteem is the result of the relationship you choose to have with yourself. Choose to create a new relationship with yourself and regard yourself as your own best friend and your self-esteem and self-confidence will flourish.

Joseph Liberti

Copyright 2009 Joseph Liberti, Author of Yes You Can: Boost self-confidence, manage emotions, improve decisions, overcome challenges and be happy, or how to enjoy life using emotional intelligence and authenticity. Your questions and comments are welcome at jliberti@eqatwork.com. Feel free to distribute this article with this credit.