Low self-esteem is not a defect, it is a habit – and it is a habit that you can break!

“I thought that feeling inadequate not having self-confidence was just my personality and I was stuck with it,” she said, “and now I know better.”

One of my coaching clients was talking about low self-esteem and self-confidence and like so many others she had believed there was something basically wrong with her and she was stuck with it. Not true!

Low self-esteem is a habit – a habit of feeling and thinking that causes you to treat yourself as inferior.

How You Treat Yourself Is A Choice
Hear this: How you treat yourself is a choice. You could choose to treat yourself with respect and give yourself understanding and love. Or you could choose to criticize yourself, reject yourself and treat yourself with contempt.

“It’s not that easy,” you say? I understand. The problem is that when you are caught in a low self-esteem habit you do not think about how you are choosing to treat yourself, you react automatically with a “survival strategy” – a behavior you developed to cope with your world.

Your Outdated Survival Strategy
For example: Perhaps, as child, there was a time when you told yourself a convenient lie. You thought someone was rejecting you and that seemed painful to you. In an attempt to dull the pain you blamed yourself and told yourself you were bad. Each time you encountered a similar experience you reused the same strategy until it became habit. At one time it may have been a useful strategy but it no longer serves you.

Learning A New Habit
Now, if you are ready to, you can unlearn that habit of self-depreciation and form a new relationship with yourself – a relationship in which you choose to regard yourself as worthy of love, respect and happiness How? Through a combination of awareness, self-management and purposeful action. Become aware of the thoughts and feelings that motivate your actions. Develop the skill of managing your emotions and make new choices.

Change Your Relationship With You
Your self-esteem is not dependent on what others think of you, or what you own or what you have achieved so far. Your self-esteem is the result of the relationship you choose to have with yourself. Choose to create a new relationship with yourself and regard yourself as your own best friend and your self-esteem and self-confidence will flourish.

Get My Blue Paper
To more fully understand how to make the shift to self-esteem and self-confidence, click here to download my blue paper Liberate The Power of True You.

Joseph Liberti

Copyright 2009 Joseph Liberti, Author of Yes You Can: Boost self-confidence, manage emotions, improve decisions, overcome challenges and be happy, or how to enjoy life using emotional intelligence and authenticity. Your questions and comments are welcome at jliberti@eqatwork.com. Feel free to distribute this article with this credit.


In this economic climate how can you justify paying to have coaching?

This is the exact question we received from a participant who just registered in one of our seminars.

I could not resist this great opportunity to get your point of view and gain some insight into the way coaches and clients currently view coaching.

Give us your opinion by 2/12/09 and we’ll enter you in a drawing for a new iPod Nano to be held on 2/14/09.

CLICK HERE To Post Your Opinion And Enter The Drawing Now!

I’ll share the results of the survey and announce the winner in this blog.

Thanks for participating. Your answer will be valuable to coaches, clients and anyone interested in coaching


Did the stock market go down because testosterone went up?

The following excerpt from an article in today’s New York Times gives food for thought and another reason to encourage the development of emotional intelligence. Greater emotional skill mitigates impulsive reaction and enables more conscious decisions. We can still choose to take risks but with more mindfulness and balance. For men that is creating more gender balance within – cultivating our feminine side. What do you think? How do you manage your risk taking?

A fascinating British study found that “…a trader’s morning testosterone level predicts his day’s profitability.” The study was published last year in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Higher testosterone meant more risk-taking and, usually, more money. On its own, that might suggest that men have an advantage on the trading floor. Yet the same study also suggested that elevated testosterone levels could lead to greater assumption of risk; high testosterone levels “may shift risk preferences and even affect a trader’s ability to engage in rational choice.” In other words: when male traders crash … boy, they crash.
So could it be that the problem on Wall Street wasn’t subprime mortgages, but elevated testosterone? The study’s authors point to an evolutionary hangover. Across cultures, women prefer high-status men, while a woman’s reproductive prospects depend much less on her social status. Thus, when men of similar status gather, they jockey for an edge and jostle for the alpha role — and try to get ahead with high-stakes gambles. On the plus side, boasting about these financial bets might make a great pickup line. On the downside, the bank goes bust. A greater gender balance could reduce some of these unhelpful consequences of male herding.
link: Op-Ed Columnist – Mistresses of the Universe – NYTimes.com

What do artificial flies in a urinal have to do with being more successful?

You won’t be surprised to know that researchers find that people often don’t act rationally and in their own best interests.

“Humans may know that they should eat less and exercise more, but they often miss the mark. They may know that they should save more, but often don’t.” “And so,” Richard Thaler of the University of Chicago, says, “most of us would benefit from a nudge.”

“Nudge” as Thaler and co-author Cass R. Sunstein — the Harvard Law professor who has been named by President Obama as administrator of the White House’s Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs, describe in their book of the same name, is “choice architecture” – The deliberate imposition of structure in an environment to induce people to make better choices.

An example of a nudge from the NY Times article When Humans Need a Nudge Toward Rationality: Consider a cafeteria where healthy foods like fruit and yogurt are placed in a prominent location, while junk foods are relegated to an out-of-the way spot. People are free to choose, but they are being nudged toward healthier decisions. (Read the article to learn how artificial flies in a urinal changed behavior)

Oh Gosh, I Got So Busy I Didn’t Have Time

I learned years ago that helping my coaching clients create a system or structure for change, made the difference between them falling back into non-productive habits or creating new behaviors for success. In coaching, I would support the client to identify an action that would lead to more positive results. In the next coaching session I would ask, “how did your new practice work out for you?” “Oh gosh,” they would say, “I got so busy this week I just didn’t get a chance to do it.”

We could judge and say that they were not really serious about improving their results. What’s is real is that they, like you and me, are just human and we all have a tendency to do this. I learned it was far more productive to connect a new behavior to a structure – a time of day, a regularly scheduled event, a certain situation, like every time the phone rang or a meeting began. For example, a client who was learning to improve working relationships would pause before answering the phone and prepare themselves to focus on truly understanding the caller’s emotional agenda.

Nudge Yourself or Get A Little Help

Try being a noodge to create your own success.

  1. Identify a new behavior that will enable positive results (EG working out three times a week)
  2. Create a system or structure of support. (EG get a friend to agree to regularly meet you after work to work out together )
  3. Acknowledge your progress toward your goal each day

You can also improve your chances of success by being coached. A coach can stay objective and help you create clear and workable structures. The process of helping the client to create and use support systems and structures has been recognized as being so beneficial that the International Association of Coaching requires coaches to demonstrate that skill, among others, in order to be certified.

Got A Nudge Idea?

I’d love to hear your nudge ideas and so would other readers. Put your suggestion for a way to create more success in fitness, relationship, or what have you in the comments section. Everyone who comments this week will receive a copy of my audio workshop 5 Key Questions – Self coaching for success.

You might also find Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness”>Thayler and Sunsteins book interesting.

searchingWill You Be The Coach They Choose

Why is getting a personal coach something more and more people are doing? In the past coaching was considered only for the wealthy but over time it has become mainstream.

Perhaps it is because life is more challenging than ever before. Confronted with financial, career and lifestyle changes people want help to sort it all out and make good decisions, and to be supported to carry out a new plan. This desire to be helped has created new demand for coaches and has resulted in an avalanche of people jumping onboard the coaching bandwagon.

So while people will be looking for a coach there will be many to choose from. Will you be the one that gets chosen?

Anyone Can Be A Great Coach?

There is a popular belief that anyone can be a great coach, but the truth is that rarely are people naturally great coaches. While a friend may be comforted to have you just sit and listen, a paying client wants results. Being effective at guiding a client past obstacles to a better life takes competence and confidence.

Effective = Success = Rewards

The more effective you are as a coach, the more your clients will succeed. The more client success you experience the more in demand you will be. And, an extraordinarily effective coach can achieve an extraordinary income by helping people.

Such coaches believe that people are capable of achieving whatever they believe they can achieve. They also believe that the client has the best answer within them – in their own authentic wisdom. The key to truly great coaching is, knowing how to support clients to access and express thier most powerful and creative authentic self.

Extraordinary coaches are those who have chosen to learn to do this for themselves and are passionate about supporting others to do the same. If you resonate with this you may be ready for the one coach certification program that will best prepare you – The Authentic Coach Program provided by EQ At Work.

Click here to take our coaching quiz and examine if you have what it takes to become an great coach. The assessment will help you evaluate your natural coaching ability and help to identify areas of opportunity for development.

You can enroll in our four-week course, Living With Purpose. This course will help you determine your life purpose and evaluate the best way to live that purpose. The course provides a great foundation in preparing you for a successful career in providing services to others.

It is very likely that Living With Purpose will inspire you to take our coach certification program. If this is the case your course cost will be applied in full to your tuition!

If you are serious about being an extraordinary coach click here to apply to the Authentic Coach program and schedule a pre-course evaluation coaching session with master teacher and coach, Joseph Liberti. At the least you will gain clarity and at best you will gain acceptance to the course and take the next step in an extraordinary life.

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.Robert Byrn

Being purpose-centered is the foundation of a fulfilled life and enables successful for learning and growth and change. Calling on your purpose enables better decisions, helps you get past challenges and brings peace of mind.

In my EQ At work coaching and training programs we use a competency model for the development of mastery. You may find it useful and supportive of your own growth to  reflect on each competency and see how it realtes to you.  I’ll share all 24 in this blog. The first is purpose. My coaching and training programs begin with accessing life purpose and creating a mission statement to guide action is the first step in my EQ At Work coaching and training programs.

EQ At Work Model Competency 1: The ability to demonstrate a way of being, based on personal values and a sense of life purpose, which guides all choices and actions

To what extent do you live a purpose-centered life?

Do you have a personal mission statement that reflects your purpose?

How do you use it to guide your daily actions? Leave a comment or question and share with others.


A simplicity quote for today: “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent.  It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.  ~E.F. Schumacker”

As I described in my earlier post “Get Religious About New Year’s Resolutions,” instead of resolutions I adopt a theme for the new year and use it to guide my choices. My theme for 2009 is simplicity. I will share my process as I go along including the use of some simplicity quotations. Today’s quote has me asking myself thesse questions:

“How am I being an intelligent fool?”

“How will I move in the opposite direction today?”

“Where will I need to have courage?”

What do you think? How is simplicity important to you? what do these questions mean to you? Leave your thought in a comment.